The Cameras Just Love Me

  The elevator lurched, and began ascending to the penthouse of the humongous building- five thousand, six thousand, seven thousand feet. I stared through the large window, looking down at the stone floor that lay so far below me, confirming my terrified thoughts that sent me tumbling out that window would result in a sudden, painful death. The elevator screeched to a halt, and the doors swung open. I sprinted down a seemingly endless hall and found myself in a large room where the TV show Zoink'd was soon to be filmed. The judges' stands gleamed in the bright spotlights, where the judges would give the many contestants points, and send them home with $1,000, or a rash from being splashed with goop. The stage where the contestants were to try to impress the judges with their many talents lay empty, and cameras were being set to focus on different people, but especially me. I sat down in the audience and waited for Zoink'd to begin.

   We all patiently awaited the terrors that would soon erupt from the large, bright green chute, aware that the effect that it would cause would be of sheer horror. And then it happened. A thick pool of blue goop exploded from the chute, smashing the unaware victim hovering below. "Heh, heh, sucker!" I said. By now, you're undoubtedly wondering what I'm talking about. Well, when our class went to Zoink'd, a show that is soon coming to YTV, the set was brilliantly planned, with a masterpiece right in the centre- a large green chute that spurted foam shapes, and, my favourite, goo. The set consisted of several fake pipes that emerged from the ground and blew confetti and foam pellets, on a colourful floor where the host and the contestants stood. Cameras lurked everywhere you could think possible, confirming that this layout was meant for a TV show. The judges' stand existed in front of the stage, consisting of four levers for the judges to pull which let the foam and goop break havoc onto the contestants. Bright spotlights lined the ceiling, practically blinding me when I looked up at them, and the set finished with a wall covered in lights behind the stage that brightly separated the stage from the dark rooms behind it. Altogether, the set was an amazing sight to see.

   The sight was terrible- the only word to describe it was "ugly". I quickly tore my eyes away from the dreadful scene, one that would scar me for life. Okay, well, maybe the contestants of Zoink'd weren't that terrible, but some couldn't be described as a sight for sore eyes. Take the "magician" for example- his unoriginal was to put a girl in a box, slip a blanket over the box, and make her "disappear". But not only was this extremely typical, but it was also quite annoying, for you could see the crease in the bottom of the box where the girl was to escape through, with a small compartment where she was to hide in. But one group really struck me as fantastic- A group of hillbillies dancing with jump ropes. Maybe that's not the greatest mixture, but the way they performed caused my jaw to drop to the colourful floor. It was just an entire minute of overalls, hillbilly music, and little jump ropes- lame to the judges, but epic to me. But above all, my favourite part of the contestants was when they got goo splashed onto them from the heavenly, green chute.

   The horrible creature crept stealthily towards me, its fangs gleaming and its claws tightly gripping a small weapon- on wait, that wasn't a weapon, it was a microphone! The host of Zoink'd was strutting in my direction to take his place on the stage where the cameras would soon film him. Like any other show, the host was an adult, though the JUDGES were one thing that separated the characteristics of this talent show from any other regular show. The judges, unlike any other, were kids. But they weren't what you could describe as "superstars". I'M a superstar. These kids seemed to be picked out of a hat for their job, or torn off the street and told to act cool. In other words, they were terrible actors. The host, on the other hand, was pretty cool. Aside from the fact that he was forced to re-do his lines over and over again, he was an amazing actor, with a naturally strong sense of humour. In fact, he was quite nearly as hilarious as me, and that's saying a ton. The judges were, understatedly, unfair. They triggered the goo on all of the amazing acts, claiming that they were too strange, although my understanding was that the acts were meant to be marvellously strange in the first place. In a nutshell, the judges were lame, but the host was epic.

   The spotlights dimmed, and the goo chute stopped inflicting blue substances onto the contestants. The show was coming to an abrupt end. We all sighed and stood up, completely aware that the fun was all over. All the dancing hillbillies, the annoying baby noises, and the bean squirting, it all ended there. But no one will ever forget my beautiful face when it appears on TV, as well as I believe none of us will forget the awesomeness that we experienced at Zoink'd.

 By: Duckboy